University. The single best experience of anyone's lifetime, right? Hmm.
I am not writing this to 'scare' anyone away from universities, or getting a degree - I wouldn't be in my position now had I not gone to university, so I owe a lot to that BUT I wanted to write an unusually personal post for those who may not find it as easy as they first thought they might...
Okay, so... I headed to Uni in September 2016. As a slightly naïve 18-year old, I was BUZZING!!!!! I had always kind of just assumed I'd go to uni; enjoying studying and wanting to progress in science, it seemed like the most logical step to take. I had never been a big party animal, and barely drink alcohol, but I hadn't really thought of these as big issues. I just assumed the reputation of uni students was a little inequitable, and after freshers week things would calm down pretty quickly. But for me, things just weren't that easy. It's safe to say I'm not a particularly 'easy going' person, and I really struggled with the unpredictability of uni and my initial flatmates. After a few weeks I ended up moving flats within my accommodation (yes they do this, and NEVER be afraid to ask for this if this is something you think would benefit you!!). I can't say a bad word against my first flatmates, other than that they were looking for a different university experience and had different ideologies of how to spend an evening (and how clean a flat should be !!).
After moving flats, I was SO lucky to live with the girls I ended up staying with for the next three years. They were a lot more like-minded and I honestly still regard them all as really close friends, despite having graduated over a year ago now (eeeep...). I still struggled in my first year up until Christmas really, with going out and drinking being such a huge focus of University life (certainly where I studied anyway!). But, as time went on, I realised something... It was okay. It was okay I didn't want to get smashed every night, it was okay I felt more mature than the majority of my peers, it was okay to be a little different. The more I realised it was absolutely fine to be me, the more people I found similar to myself! I made some really really lovely friends, who either respected my decision to not drink a lot (and then I actually could partake in a night out if I wanted to, without it being a night spent justifying why I was still on my first drink...), OR they didn't want to drink much either - and we ended up making some of the best memories I have made at uni; making mocktails (and more ending up all over the kitchen than in our glass), going to an outdoor cinema (and it being FREEZING), getting takeaways and crying-laughing at stupid things, having film nights, going out for meals... I never ended up absolutely LOVING uni, and there are certainly things I would change, BUT I am so so glad I went, because as cliché as it sounds, it made me the person I am today. It definitely made me grow up and opened my eyes to the real world, as well as helping me to make some amazing friends, and allowing me to transition into doing a PhD.
So, what are my tips if you're going to uni this year?
BE YOURSELF. The amount of people that go to uni and try to be something they're not, to 'fit in' is absolutely ridiculous! It would actually be so much nicer if people were true to themselves, because it is honestly so much easier to find genuine friends when you stop acting like someone you're not, and embrace your true self!
Don't feel pressure to 'live your best life' - okay, this is a controversial one. The main piece of advice I got before starting uni was 'embrace everything, never say no!'. Which, to a certain extent is really good advice - try everything once by all means. But, also don't beat yourself up if there's something you don't want to do, especially if it doesn't align with your own values/ideals, or wait until you feel more comfortable to do it. You have your whole life to make memories - it doesn't all have to be in freshers week of first year!!!
Join societies. I know this is hard, especially in the current pandemic, but having a structure to your week and doing something outside of your studies is a really good idea! It helps distract you and gives you a focus when you're settling in, and is really good to put on your CV. I literally used to do a different society every night of the week and it was so helpful for me, especially as its socialising without the drinking aspect. Some societies do have socials, but again, only do these if you want to - they can't force you to go! Or, maybe suggest a non-drinking social if this is something you would prefer.. These honestly normally end up being the most fun!
Stand up for yourself! This is a difficult one, still even for me now. But don't get walked over at uni.. There will be times when the kitchen is a mess (it happens, its fine!), but talk to your flatmates and get it cleaned together rather than automatically doing it. The same goes for group work (*cue groaning from every uni student ever!*). I know its hard, and you don't need to be mean about it, but try not to be a pushover!
TALK. This is a BIGGIE. A lot of uni students struggle at some stage of their degree. It's completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn't mean you're a failure and it certainly doesn't mean you won't get through it. It just means you've hit a bump in the road, and you need to talk about it to get through it! Most unis have really good support mechanisms in place; support staff, personal tutors, student advice centres etc., but the most important people to talk to, if you can, are family and friends. This is when being true to yourself comes into its own, because it hopefully means you will have made true friends that you can rely on in situations exactly like this. One of my biggest problems when I first went to uni, was I thought I was completely alone in struggling and finding the whole thing really overwhelming... So I put on a brave face to the people at uni and then just sat crying to my home friends/parents every evening (I look back and fully cringe now !!). But, the moment I opened up to my flatmates about the fact I was struggling, I felt a million times better, and things honestly only improved from there! Trust me, TALK.
Be kind to yourself. Another biggie. One huge thing for me (then and now) was constantly beating myself up for not just loving the whole experience and not just embracing everything like everyone else seemed to... This is a difficult one, but the bottom line is, everyone is different. Some people may go to uni and have no problems and absolutely adore the whole three years (I sincerely hope that is you!!), but you also have people at the other end of the spectrum that really struggle too. Everyone is going to fit into the scale somewhere, and you can't really help where you fall on that.. Also, just because others seem to be having a wonderful time, doesn't necessarily mean they are (oh the joys of social media...); my advice would be, just focus on yourself and your experience. Try not to compare yourself to others, because everyone is different, so everyone's experience will be different!
Finally, one thing I never had to deal with as an undergrad was a global pandemic. I understand this adds a whole new dimension to the university experience, and my heart honestly goes out to uni students that are having to battle through this and obtain their degree. Everything I have said still rings true, maybe even more so - especially when it comes to staying safe! I know it's really hard to try and fit in and socialise when there are so many restrictions in place, but try to get to know your flatmates the best you can and try and stay safe. Remember, your support networks are still there (skype/facetime is a wonderful thing!) and it's okay to find the experience daunting and a little scary!
Also please remember - despite what society says, university isn't for everybody, and there is absolutely no shame in that. Whether you would prefer to commute or not bother at all, you need to decide what's best for you and your future. Just make sure you've explored all of your options before jumping head first into a degree!
Thank you if you're still reading, I appreciate it was a bit of a mammoth one. Please let me know if you like these more personal posts, or whether I should stick to the facts next time!! I hope it's helpful - if anyone wants to talk about uni life, feel free to DM me on insta (@thebeautythatsurroundsus_).
B x
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